Women's Nite (women_snite) wrote,
Women's Nite

May 2006 reflection: OUR FRIENDS AND LOVERS

by Suzanne

May’s Women’s Nite was a cosy group, with a mix of first-time participants, those who had been once before and some regulars. I can’t sum up everything that was said, so this is a very partial account, focusing on things that were interesting to me.

Most of the women seemed to have come just to meet and talk, not particularly because of the topic, so we didn’t have people passionately for or against being friends with exes, friends’ exes, partners’ exes or in bitter frames of mind. I’d have to say we were a rather open-minded group on that front! There was general agreement that a cooling-off period was very helpful before resuming a friendship or changing a relationship from that of one between lovers to that of friends.

As is usual at these events, the conversation ranged all over the place, from serious to silly and back again! But one thing that came up somehow in my group was the issue of how “out” one can be in the workplace, in the context of having lesbian friendships, I think. I know this is a big issue many people struggle with. Another thing that stuck in my head was discussion about how alcohol can play a role in situations when friends become lovers, both as a “courage booster” and as an excuse after the fact. The question of what we had learned from our past relationships brought some good points to reflect on. Several people stressed the need for good communication, others on the fact that they had learned or were learning the importance of accepting the other person’s limitations or differences and appreciating what good there was rather than always feeling dissatisfied. One person talked about not seeking one’s happiness in another person, but trying to seek one’s happiness by or for oneself and bringing that to the relationship. Another felt that from each relationship she had learned something important about her own strengths and flaws and now treasures each ex as a wonderful person. How’s that for ending on a good note?

p.s. How do you know if it’s a date or just coffee? Apparently, it’s all in the body language. Oh, and if they get you the serviettes and cutlery, too, it could mean something more. So watch out, you naturally good-mannered girls, you may be leading someone on!

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