Women's Nite

JUNE 2009 REFLECTIONS: Long Distance Relationships

2009-07-05T06:15:10Z

by Shire

I’d been keen to attend Women’s Nite for quite some time now and when I finally was able to, I wasn’t too thrilled when I saw that the topic was about long-distance relationships. I thought to myself how it had no relevance to me at all, and what a "waste" it was going to be, attending a session that had no bearing to me, since I’d never been in one. But it is with great pleasure that I say this : I’ve never been so, so wrong.

While I may not have been able to relate to the topic, the issues that were raised during the discussions certainly struck a chord with me. Sitting on the floor with cushions strewn about, passing bags of potato chips between groups, listening to others share their thoughts and experiences and stories and anecdotes was certainly priceless for me. It was also liberating as well, as only here could many of us speak openly about girlfriends, the trials and tribulations, and the love we have for that very special woman.

It was surreal being able to talk so openly and without apology or the fear of being judged. To be able to talk at all about lesbian relationships was already a miracle of sorts (!!) Listening to the women in that room talking about the lives they share with their girlfriend, the distance they’ve gone to for their love, the time invested building their lives together and how they keep the faith was truly inspiring for me.

I went away that night richer for the many experiences shared and the advice dispensed. I know I repeat myself when I say this, but I was truly, truly inspired; by the strength with which the women showed in handling their relationships (long distance or not) and the dignity in which they led their lives as one, building a life together with their chosen one in a world at odds with ours.

***

See you at our next event on 25th July!

Thank you for joining us!

2009-06-28T15:35:07Z

Thank you all for joining us for heartfelt Women's Nite on 27th June 2009.

See you at our next event on 25th July!

June 2009 topic: LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS

2009-06-14T07:55:09Z

Two realities
traversing time zones
to (re)connect beyond distance and cultures,
where being apart or a part becomes the question.
Long distance relationships between women,
what happens when differences meets distance?

Find out more about long distance lesbian relationships this coming Women's Nite!

MAY 2009 REFLECTION: When We Grow Old

2009-06-05T15:07:37Z

by GT

First, I'm shocked to see such events happening in Singapore. It's odd and it's great to see young gay women taking a lead and somewhat be more consciously aware of issues such as ageing. I thought the discussion was stimulating and it creates a certain awareness on something that even I have not seriously given thought to. That is, if I remain in this country, how do I grow old here in Singapore and what sort of community do I want to build here?

Thank You For Joining Us!

2009-05-31T12:57:59Z

Women's Nite was successfully held on 30th May 2009. Thank you all for joining us.
See you at our next event on 27th June!

May 2009 topic: WHEN WE GROW OLD

2009-05-16T15:26:47Z

Ageing is a reality of life
Gracing the days of girls, women and wives
Each day brings an enriching process
Informing our way to success
No matter how the numbers climb
Growing is a promise of time!

Join us this Women's Nite as we talk about what ageing means for gay women.

April 2009 REFLECTIONS: Lesbian Bed Death: Fact or Myth?

2009-05-01T15:19:50Z

by Catherine

The discussion of this month was about the relationship of a couple. I had heard about bed death but have never noticed that it was specific to gay women couples. As far as I know, anybody can suffer from bed death, straight or gay people, men or women. This is because one does care about the relationship. In small groups we had serious yet funny exchanges as it was about sex. To me bed death is linked to the duration of the relationship and how sex has been set up in the couple. When you are in a long-term relationship, it is obviously a normal process. The best way to sort it out is of course to communicate with the partner and make a strong and concerted effort. Sex does matter but it is not essential. If bed death does happen when the relationship is recent, that probably mean that something is wrong or the relationship is almost over. I say "almost over" because women might be more emotional and tend to give several tries in a relationship before admitting that it really is over. That may finally be the reason why we talk more about lesbian bed death.

***

by Ling

I stumbled onto the Women's Nite website a couple of years back, when I was a little freer at work and had time to surf the net in the duller moments of the day. I was curious and have been meaning to attend, but there are always things to do, places to be on Saturday evenings. Attending Women's Nite wasn't among the top priorities.

What changed? A combination of reasons, I guess. A connection with a friend, which unfortunately both of us have no clue how to proceed further. Fear that time is running out. A realisation that it is more fun to go through life with someone you can call your own, and that it doesn't have to be a pipe-dream.

So I plucked up my courage and sent my full name and phone number to Women's Nite's email address to register for the March event. What did I think I'd get out of it? Well, I figured I could hear the experiences of the others and perhaps make a new friend or two. Years back, I had this idea of interviewing lesbian couples who've been together for some time on how they met, how their relatioinships developed, who made the first move, how they created a life together, and their dreams and aspirations. The ideas was to compile their stories into a book – I was sure the book would sell well! The project would also be an opportunity for me to learn and to know people who have the guts to live their lives on their own terms. Yes, I got side-tracked by other things.

So the last Saturday of March came. But something cropped up and I couldn't make it. So I emailed to say I'd come for the April session instead. I committed to coming without knowing what the topic would be. I was afraid I wouldn't be welcome anymore – who is this wimp who chickened out at the last minute? Well, my fear was unfounded. Then came the email: Does your sex drive really dip once you are in a secure relationship? How long does it take before "Lesbian Bed Death" creeps in? Is it even real?

Err..Not a topic that is quite up my alley. But I'd said I'd go, so off I went. The discussion turned out to be one about the sustainability of a gay relationship, at least that's what I get out of it. Are there less social penalties, less burden for a gay couple to go separate ways than a heterosexual couple? Yes, if you compare it to a married couple or a couple with kids. Arguably not that much different if you compare it to a heterosexual couple living together without a piece of paper to bind them together. Is sex the only thing that keeps gay couples together? If the sex dies, will the relationship die too? As the night went on, someone reduced the definition of lesbian sex to a hug, a stomach rub. :-)

I was, for most part of the night, an observer, a listener, agreeing with most of the things being said... Among the group was someone from France, someone from the US and someone from UK, if I'm not mistaken. Then of course there are the rest of us.

All in all, to use Swee Jean's word, a “stimming” (short for stimulating) night.

Finally, a big thanks to those who volunteered their time to run event. I read the brief intro on each one of you who are behind the scenes and I'm in awe of what you've done and your dedication. Thanks for keeping the event running until finally I found the time and courage to come. And I think it definitely won't be my last attendance at the Women's Nite. Keep up the good work, and keep the “stimming” discussions going!

Thank you for joining us!

2009-04-27T13:42:42Z

Women's Nite was successfully held on 25th April. Thank you all for daring to share and having a laugh!
See you at our next Women's Nite on 30th May 2009!

April 2009 topic: LESBIAN BED DEATH - FACT OF MYTH?

2009-04-11T05:30:21Z

Does your sex drive really drop once you are in a secure relationship?
How long does it take before "Lesbian Bed Death" creeps in?
Is it even real?

Come join us this Women's Nite as we delve into the mysteries of lesbian intimacy!

MARCH 2009 REFLECTIONS: Butches

2009-04-01T14:40:02Z

by Danielle

I wanted to attend Women's Nite because I was curious about the lesbian community. It turned out to be a great experience, though initially awkward. I enjoyed the discussion about butches - the topic inspired lively and candid debate, and though we did not come to any concrete answers, I felt that it produced many good questions and interesting perspectives.

I look forward to attending more sessions, and making new friends. To me this is a meaningful event. The informal and friendly setting provides a neutral space for people to be comfortable, open and real. Props to the organisers for their dedication!

***

by Nana

I gave my two hours on a Saturday evening, for the company of a group of women, choc chips cookies (ahem) and scintillating conversation after each topic. When it was over, I knew that I liked it. Though I was around when Womens' Nite held its event in its first home, then I went missing over a long period, the cosy feeling remained when I returned years later. It feels good hearing views again coming from women who love women, or possibly do. Some came with a tremendous amount of analysis, while some with scientific research and email print-outs! As for me and a couple of other girls, we were just spontaneous and enjoying the lovely evening. Now that I have reached the normal human capacity (or so, I feel) to love members of both sexes, I have a feeling that I might be going for the upcoming last Saturdays of the months! To the organisers, great effort and thank you for having me. See you!

***

by El

Butches. Though I identify myself as a more masculine lesbian, and my girlfriend is the "neutral" type [she previously dated a femme], we are not affected by these labels. And personally too she prefers me not to dress up as a butch, which I am fine with that. It provides me with camouflage for now, until when I decide to come out to my parents. All I need is just a blessings from them for me to marry my beloved girlfriend.

My girlfriend once said that I too , like her, am a "neutral" type of lesbian. The point that she missed however, is that all my life, I have felt like I am a man, trapped in a woman's body.

The talk from last session was inspiring. However I tend to believe more in scientific findings like this:

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1815538,00.html

UCLA's research also shows brains determine which lesbians turn out butch or femme.
As attractions are merely a product of our body being attracted by the chemicals and particles emitted from the attractor's glands, I believe that no matter what we all are, we all have 2 types of brain - masculine and feminine- and only our container varies - we are born female or male.

I have personal struggles with convincing my mother too that being a lesbian is not a family sin, but simply part of the evolution process. We shouldn't go against the flow of nature or universe, but to live in line with it while at the same time keeping the faith with the Lord.

To wrap up my personal reflection, labels don't matter. As I said previously, our souls and brains are similar - only our container varies. And how we dress and how we decide to label ourselves is more or less tied to our physical appearance, our decisions on how to enhance it, and how we want people out there to view us.

Thank you very much for letting me join the event, I will attend again whenever possible.

Thank you for joining us!

2009-03-29T13:41:23Z

Women's Nite was successfully held on 28th March 2009. Thank you all for turning up and sharing your thoughts.

See you at the next session on 25th April 2009!

March 2009 topic: BUTCHES

2009-03-12T16:29:59Z

Butches are the most visible lesbians - yet possibly most controversial.

"Why do they pretend to be men?" Some ask. "Why must they conform to the butch-femme stereotype? Can't they move on already?"

But what does it mean to be butch? Is it a dress code or an identity?

Join us this Women's Nite as we tackle these questions and more!

FEBRUARY 2009 REFLECTIONS: Knowing Me, Knowing You

2009-03-11T14:16:05Z

by Dian

I decided to attend the February session as I was intrigued by the topic of the night. I really wanted to know how people can bring in their identity to work and still be comfortable. I have had always separated the two matters and I wanted to learn.

I always thought that staying in the closet was the perfect solution to avoid unnecessary judgment and drama. I was (and am) still afraid that if I were to come out, people would be uncomfortable and I’d only be known as the lesbian girl.

However, during the session, some friends shared nice stories about acceptance, open and trusting relationships at work and how people can be surprisingly welcoming if we break the news the right way. It also dawned on me that what determines people’s response and attitude is our own attitude in approaching the subject.

Yes, there may be repercussions in coming out at work, yet it could also be liberating and even allow one to embrace one's full personality and potential. I definitely haven’t cracked the brief; I still don’t know how to do it, but at least I now know where to start. I just have to be extremely comfortable with myself, and the rest will roll on much more easily.

Overall, it was quite a fruitful evening - mind-opening discussion, lovely new friends, nice food - it’s definitely a recommended way of spending a Saturday night.

Lastly, I’d like to thank the facilitators for the dedication in making sure that everything ran smoothly and that everyone was at ease.

See you next time!

***

by Jamie

Feb 28th was my first time to Women's Nite. It delivered what it promised - an intimate setting for gay and bisexual women to share their lives, experiences and opinions - and I didn't feel like a first-timer at all.

The session, from what I could remember, was about realising our potential and identifying our limitations, be they internal or external, so as to help us succeed as a person. I was encouraged by the participants' sharing and impressed by Su-Chzeng, the invited speaker for that evening, for offering her insights , which edified the women present that evening.

Overall, my first time at Women's Nite was a positive one. I'm grateful for the team behind it :)

***

by Amy

I found Women's Nite on the internet and decided it would be a great way to meet Singaporean women. From the first contact everyone was welcoming and friendly. The venue was easy to find and I met local women and women who were traveling for work and pleasure. I had a fabulous time, made great connections for next time I'm in town and even - fingers crossed - found someone to take out to dinner in the future. Women's Nite is a perfect, safe, welcoming and fun event for lesbians and queer women. I recommend it to my friends if they are in town.

Thank you for joining us!

2009-03-01T13:32:07Z

Women's Nite was successfully held on 28th February 2009. Thank you all who turned up and we hope you had an empowering session!

See you at our next event on 28th March 2009!

February 2009 topic: KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU

2009-02-16T04:56:45Z

Tired of your life and trying to break out of your rut? Facing a new challenge and trying to rise up to it?

What's best for you, and how do you get there?

Gather all your work/life questions this month and join us this Women's Nite as our special guest Ong Su-Chzeng, an executive coach, takes you through how to bring out your true potential as a gay woman.

Su-Chzeng is an International Coach Federation certified executive coach, ACC. She specialises in leadership coaching in cross-cultural business environments and has over 30 years' worldwide corporate experience as a head of business in several countries.

Su-chzeng coaches senior executives on ownership, accountability and empowerment, in the belief that everyone can outperform their own previous benchmarks. She helps her clients to reframe their challenges, identify what is limiting their greater success and to take action to achieve observable changes in their behaviour.

Her coaching clients include senior leaders from banks, insurance, telecoms, pharmaceuticals, chemicals, oil, retail, technology, govt bodies and non-profit. The companies include UBS, Barclays, Standard Chartered Bank, Intel, GE, L'Oreal, ACNielsen, Santa Fe Transocean Oil, Zuellig Pharma, Infocomm Devt Authority of Singapore, Singapore Prisons and Armed Forces.

JANUARY 2009 REFLECTIONS: The One

2009-02-05T15:24:45Z

by Van

Women's Nite had been an activity I had been looking forward since the day I came across the link when constantly surfing the internet to try to learn a lot about lesbians.

The December film showing was the first time I joined. The films were very nice, and it was a good venue for me to check out the group of people I'm dealing with. I'm not out and I'm very cautious of people I meet and places I go. But it was so amazing to be in a place where you do not worry about a single bit of being who you are.

The topic was finding The One, and there were questions and discussions in the group. It was a nice venue to express myself and be able to hear what others - "the more experienced ones" - have gone through and try to learn. It was so amazing. I didn't really consider finding a person for you in a bookstore was possible. Well that would be another session perhaps, with the topic: Things to do in the bookstore?

Lesbian relationships are as complicated as any relationship, but being for the first time among a group of amazing women who open up and discuss the things that are happening to them made Women's Nite a venue for me to share and get more help to make relationships work and most importantly to accept myself. I learnt that each individual lesbian has a different perspective on how a relationship should be, and the methods they use to try and find a lifelong partner, like the internet, pubs and parties, work, church, sports, other activities and of course the bookstore. What comes after that depends on how that person you meet is like, how you want to grow or how far you want to go with her.

In the short chat after the session, I got to meet some of the participants and gained my bookstore buddy as well, what about that! Most importantly you learn how important a support group should be there for you to help you with the many questions you have about being who you are, and not feel alone and eventually think that you are an unwanted being because you think differently with the others.

The most I can also share, is that, its always been a struggle to be out, but as I listened to the discussion, I realised that being out is an essential thing to do, for you to find the one, because you cannot find someone if you can not even find yourself.

Thank you so much Women's Nite, for the warm welcome, the great food and most importantly the company you share and the support you provide is really amazing.

***

by Yan

I came to know about Women's Nite a while back but had been procrastinating about signing up all these while. After all, going to a strange place to meet a whole bunch of strangers does add quite a bit of worry and concern.

But I told myself: hey, it's a brand new year and I've got to try it at least once. If not now, when? So there I was, carrying the packs of fried rice and beehoon and my apprehension, walking into the first session of Women's Nite for 2009 and for me.

When I walked into the room, there were already a number of attendees who were chatting casually. Hmm... they looked like they all knew each other! (I learnt later that most of us came alone). Anyway, it only took a short while and I started feeling at ease, especially with the friendly facilitators/volunteers who are there to make everyone feel comfortable. Before long, we were eating, chatting and getting into the night's topic - where to meet "The One", what preparation work to do, what issues to consider. From suggestions of having a checklist of items and qualities, categorising them into "must-haves" and "good-to-haves", to needing to know what we want in our potential partner, there were candid contributions and endless bursts of laughter. The group had varied characters, some were ever ready to share while some were just happy to be quiet observers and listeners; there were "old birds" and greenhorns. Outspoken or quiet, veterans or first-timers - it didn't really matter. We enjoyed each others' company and had a fruitful evening.

While I do not want to go into too much details of the topic of the night (it changes every month), what I do want is to encourage anyone who have been thinking about attending Women's Nite, but may have reservations about attending alone or having concern about whether you can fit in, to cast her fear aside. The event is alcohol free, and really provides a conducive environment to meet people and discuss topics or issues relating to women or lesbians. Even if the topic is not something of immediate interest, it allows one to listen to others' perspectives and in that way opens up one's mind and heart. Just come in your comfortable clothes and bring an open mind. It is definitely a worthwhile visit and fruitful way to spend a couple of hours of your Saturday night.

On a closing note, I've learnt that some of the facilitators have been volunteering their service faithfully and consistently for many years since inception to run this event. I thank them for a job well-done and their dedication. They definitely deserve our support.

See you at the next session.

Thank you for joining us!

2009-01-31T17:23:15Z

Women's Nite was successfully held on 31st Jan 2009. Thank you all for the heartfelt discussion and see you at our next event on 28th Feb 2009!

January 2009 topic: THE ONE

2009-01-15T12:25:14Z

Where do you go to find that special someone?
How would you know when you do?
When it happens, will you be ready for what's to come?

Join us this Women's Nite as we talk about what it means to find love.

Happy holidays!

2008-12-13T17:54:42Z

Thank you all for chilling out with us on 13th December over some films and nibbles. Women's Nite will be taking a break this month.

See you at our next event on 31 January 2009!

NOVEMBER 2008 REFLECTIONS: Till Death Do Us Part

2008-12-13T01:24:49Z

by Janice

This is my third time attending the Women's Nite. I came to know about Women's Nite from my friend for quite some time but had been procrastinating before. I admired those people who dared to go there alone. They are so brave.

I am shy and still in the closet. This is one of the reasons why I have been procrastinating about attending Women's Nite. I saw the advert which mentioned, "the venue will be disclosed upon registration". My first reaction was: Why does this group sound so secretive? Why was the venue not published? Why must I give my full name since I am still in the closet? However, I realised that I was not alone. Friends whom I forwarded the advert asked the same question too.

It was only after I attended the first time that I realised that this is a way to protect us as Women's Nite is a safe place for people like us. Now I will try to attend Women's Nite whenever I am free on every last Saturday of the month. It will be my loss if I miss it. Frankly speaking, I learn from every topic discussed.

I like the way that they warm up the group with some ice-breakers, so that we can know each other better before we re-group for discussions.

Thanks to the volunteers who sacrifice their time and effort to organise this for us. Every month they have to crack their brains to come out with an interesting topic. Of course, the attendees are also very important to make Women's Nite successful. It takes two hands to clap.

As I also know that Woman's Nite is moving into its sixth year, I wish Woman's Nite will last forever, like what we wish for our relationships.

Keep it up, Women's Nite!

Lesbian Holiday Treats on 13th December

2008-11-30T15:31:35Z

Dip into our bag o' treats and sample 8 smart short lesbian films, brought to you this holiday season by the Women's Nite team.

Join us for an afternoon full of good entertainment on 13 December. RSVP now!

Date: 13 December 2008, Saturday
Time: 4 pm
Cost per person: $6 (inclusive of a snack)
Venue: Will be disclosed upon registration.

RSVP: This is a Women's Nite by-invitation only private screening. To attend, please send an email to women.snite@gmail.com with your full name and contact number as well as that of your guest(s) if any. Registration closes at midnight 12 December 2008, or earlier if seats are full, so register now! Limited to 60 pax.

This is a women-only event brought to you by Women's Nite.

About the Short Films

1) Half Laughing
A lesbian with a buzz cut returns home for a family funeral and must deal with her homophobic mother. Directed by Michelle Ehlen (12min, USA)

2) Blow
In this clever comedy, a teenage girl finds that coming out just might be the only way to overcome her sneezing fit. Directed by Marie Craven (7 mins, Australia)

3) Frozen Smile
From the co-director of By Hook Or By Crook, comes this delightfully absurd comedy about three generations of women who convene to pay tribute to the family's late patriarch. Directed by Silas Howard (7 mins, USA)

4) Saint Henry
Ashleigh Ann Wood (Bloodknot) stars as a girl named Henry who enlists her gay best pal (Max Von Ville, The Standard) to help search for her father in this moody and gorgeously produced drama. Directed by Abigail Severance (19mins, USA)

5) Transit
In the middle of the night, a woman is riding a subway train heading downtown when she exchanges glances with an alluring stranger. Will it change her life? Directed by Kerry Weldon (4 mins, USA)

6) Tina Paulina: Living On Hope Street
A riveting and inspirational documentary portrait of a lesbian living on the streets of downtown Los Angeles. Directed by Barbara Green and Michelle Boyaner (10mins, USA)

7) Dani & Alice
Lesbian icon Guinevere Turner (Go Fish) co-stars with Yolanda Ross (Stranger Inside) in this taut drama that depicts the final hours of an abusive lesbian relationship. Directed by Roberta Marie Monroe (12 mins, USA/Canada)

8) Everything good
An American woman suffering from doubts about her attractiveness orders up some sex with a broad while abroad in Amsterdam, and discovers the true meaning of beauty. Directed by Elizabeth McCarthy (17mins, USA)

November 2008 topic: TILL DEATH DO US PART

2008-11-14T15:08:18Z

Lesbian Marriage: A piece of paper? A lifelong commitment? A threat to the nation?

In these times, when arguments fly fast and furious between supporters and opponents of same-sex marriage, what does marriage mean to you? Is it an act of love or defiance, or has it become simply a paper chase?

Join us this Women's Nite for a discussion on what it means when two women say "I do".

OCTOBER 2008 REFLECTIONS: So, What Do You Do?

2008-11-08T09:17:54Z

by Deborah

Having just flown in from Australia the night before, Women's Nite seemed like the ideal introduction into the Singaporean lesbian scene. It offered a refreshing alternative to the bars or clubs, presenting stimulating discussion amongst an engaging and intelligent group of women.

Admittedly, the night did not start off well as no-one else turned up. However, this ended up being a blessing as we headed off for dinner down at a local Chinese restaurant. Eventually, others arrived as with our meals. So the discussion commenced about societal perceptions of lesbians, and how we might respond. Maybe we might respond in advocacy. Maybe we respond in silence. Maybe we respond with the maturity of knowing ourselves, and in the naturalness of our beings. However, now and again, one might respond in conflict : of who they are and what they feel. Now and again, one might respond in complicity with societal perceptions of us as a way of interrogating the integrity of who we are.

We discussed the irrelevance of male role-models in our childhood, or the lack of opportunity to seek and explore the opposite sex. We disputed the premise of childhood abuse, religion, having only female friends and tomboyish behaviour. We discussed every imaginable possibility of why we might be gay.

Transcending beyond all the words and diatribe, nothing can remove the way you feel for another woman. Ultimately, you have a choice : follow your heart, or live in the shadow of your consequence.

I can confidently rate this as one of the more enjoyable ways to spend a Saturday evening. It is a pity I will miss the next the one, but I hope to catch many more. To all those who live in Singapore and have the privilege of catching this event, I envy you. Enjoy.

Thank you for joining us!

2008-10-26T03:54:37Z

Thank you all for your candid discussion on 26th October. See you at our next event on 29th November 2008!

October 2008 topic: SO, WHAT DO YOU DO?

2008-10-07T16:57:50Z

You've heard such arguments before. You've heard that you:
grew up without a father figure
hate men
and threaten family values.

Ever felt the urge to fight such fallacies but don't know how? Come join us at Women's Nite as we find out how to set the record straight.